Yes, it’s a two-for-one day here on ye ol’ blog! This post is semi-related to the last, but was separate enough to deserve its own post.

First – I’m going to use the phrase “child-free” in this post.  It’s a bit of a hokey term and feels a bit pretentious. It’s apparently the PC way of referring to people who choose not to have kids. I’ll use it because it’s at least succinct.

Second – this post is full of kind of rambling thoughts in my head on a pretty specific subject. It will probably speak strongly to a handful of you and not at all the rest of you. It will probably seem very egocentric to some of you. Maybe it helps to know that I realize that? But since the name of the blog is eileenmcenroe, I suppose I can make it egocentric if I want?

Third- because of the nature of what I’m saying here, I’m 100% sure that I got a lot of “not’s” and “to’s” and things in the wrong place grammatically… I probably split a few infinitives (if I remember what that means) and I probably have a few triple or quadruple negatives, not to mention the double negatives. My apologies to my high school English teacher Mr. Bruns who taught me what I know about grammer…. hopefully the rest of you can see past it.

Why might I want to remain child-free??

I like my life!! Sure, I complain about things and like everyone, I feel like things could always be better (but often I can’t put my finger on what “better” would look like). But when it comes right down to it, I really like my life. I have a good job and career – most of the time it’s challenging and interesting, it pays well, I’m generally respected by others at my company and it sounds like I have a bright future there if I choose.  If I didn’t like where I am now, I’ve had 3 other opportunities presented to me without even looking over the past month, so there are options out there for me. I have an abundance of friends and family, near and far, who love and support me, and who are willing to let me love and support them as well. I’m in a relationship with a person that I don’t want to imagine ever being without. I’ve had the delight of forming relationships with his two girls over the past year or so and that has been better than I ever would have pictured. I have the freedom to do what I want, when I want – I can choose to be with friends, go to the gym, put in some extra time at work, travel to see people and places, or just be by myself (which I often choose!). So, why fix something that’s not broken?

On the other hand….

There’s a flip side to this child-free thing.  And it’s not only the obvious not-having-kids-of-my-own part.  I feel like there’s pressure, if I remain child-free, to take full advantage of all of the opportunities that I have.  And if I don’t, I’m wasting an opportunity that others wish they had, that others often need to choose not to pursue in order to be a parent.  I feel this the most when it comes to my career. My grandparents’ generation fought hard to give me the opportunity to be an equal in the workplace. Their generation poured out blood, sweat and tears to allow me to pursue my dreams. My impression is that much of my parents’ generation lived by the idea that you can do it all – yes, all, without compromise. (I should note that I don’t necessarily feel like my parents taught me that – in fact, I feel like they taught me that there are choices to be made in life and you can make the tough choices and succeed with whatever path you have chosen). The world has always taught me that I can do whatever I want to do. Somewhere along the way, I think my own generation has begun to realize that yes, you can do anything you want, but you really can’t do it all.  I know so many people – certainly women and also many men – who struggle with the notion of “doing it all”. They try to do that and feel like they are not doing a good job of anything. They are not fully present at work or at home, with colleagues and clients or with spouses and children.

So, if I remain child-free, I don’t have to make those hard choices… I am free to pour myself fully into my career. I could become CEO of my company (well, probably not because I’m not really suited for it… but in theory I could).  I could start my own company. I could become the queen of engineering in Milwaukee, or the Midwest, or the US, or the WORLD!  The kicker for me is that, not only could I do these things, but I should do these things!  After all, I don’t have a family at home to care for – I should be doing all the things I can with that time – I should be doing all the things that the women who have families can’t choose!! (OK, huge generality there with the word “can’t”, but hopefully you get the point – please know I don’t mean to tell anyone what they can and cannot do – just repeating what I hear from many parents).

So, if I choose not to adopt and I choose not to pour myself completely into my career, then am I not living up to my potential? I’ve had every advantage in life; am I doing the world, or some part of it, a disservice by not running after everything that I could be doing?

{the real truth is, with a lot more humility that the rest of this post shows, it probably doesn’t really matter that much to the rest of the world, or some part of it, what I do… but these are the questions that circle around my head}

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